October 30, 2023, 6:17 PM ·
Here is your weird theme park story for the day. This one comes from the Glenwood Caverns Adventure Park in Colorado, which was closed for the weekend for a law enforcement investigation that, uh, took a turn.Authorities responded to the park early Saturday morning after park employees discovered a deceased 20-year-old man on park property. After a two-day investigation, the Garfield County Sheriff released a statement today. The report did not identify the man but did describe that he was wearing “black colored tactical clothing, bearing patches and emblems that gave the appearance of being associated with law enforcement.”Okay, but that’s not all.”The suspect had been heavily armed with a semiautomatic rifle and semi-automatic handgun and multiple, loaded magazines for both weapons,” the sheriff’s statement continued. “He was wearing body armor and what appeared to be a ballistic helmet. Additionally, multiple improvised explosive devices [IEDs], were discovered with the suspect and in a vehicle associated with the suspect.”Um… yikes?The two-day sweep of the park property revealed no other explosives around the park or its rides. Authorities said that the death is being treated as a suicide, and the sheriff said that the investigation has not found any risk to the public. Having lived in Colorado, I will concede that there are some in the state, especially on the western slope, who consider full tactical gear a perfectly normal thing to wear for a day out on the town. But the multiple clips and IEDs take it all up a level beyond.The sheriff’s report said, “given the amount of weaponry, ammunition, and explosive devices found, the suspect could have implemented an attack of devastating proportions upon our community.” The man’s name has not been released yet, but media reports said that his body was found in a women’s restroom, next to a message on the wall that said, “I am not a killer, I just wanted to get into the caves.”Uh… okay.* * *
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